Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
