i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
