last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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