If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
