question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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