All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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