He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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