i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
