I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
