I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
