Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
