i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
