I'm really into asian looking animals
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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