ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
