he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
