Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
