i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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