I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
