this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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