Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
