Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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