Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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