Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
