Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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