anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
