I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my shit smells like andre
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
