he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
