roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize