i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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