It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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