I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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