nut hugger
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
