the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
