I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
