she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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