He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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