my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
