For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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