Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
