I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
