Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
