Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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