Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
