I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
