I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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