She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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