I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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