Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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