I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
