Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
