god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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