In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's shark week go big or go home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
