I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
