And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dignity is for republicans.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
