In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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