I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
