just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
