i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
