just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Of course I have a pirate flag
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
