the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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