At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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