put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
worst night to have a conscience
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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