You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
