I CAN MOONWALK!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
