I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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