I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
