woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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