Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
