I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
