he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
