you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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