I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
